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Burgers Unlimited!
Burger rating: all details served, no secrets barred

How good or bad are Phuket's Burgers and where do you find the best? How crisp are the French Fries? Which Burger has loud Italian customers clad in bathing trunks? These and other burning questions will be answered here!

Text & photos by James Cook

It wasn't until 1997 that McDonald put Phuket on the world map of burgers. Until then natives and tourists had to put up with seafood, steaks, soups, rice, spaghetti, croissants and all the other so-called "cuisines".
The Golden Arch of McDonalds changed all that. REAL FOOD emerged. Within weeks, Kentucky Fried Chicken and Burger King followed suit. A new age dawned. Stone-age Phuket was transformed into the modern Phuket of today - with
Burgers Unlimited.

 

Part Two: Patong Beach

 

McDonalds
At the Beach Road

 

 

macpatong2.jpg (10892 bytes)I don't know why - but I am taken by surprise every time I walk through the door. McDonalds in Patong seems to be the only place, who's doors open and close according to their signs. You have to pull to open the doors. I always push and stand there like a moron. An old habit acquired in a country, where the push/pull signs on the doors serve ornamental purposes only.

Now is this accurateness a symbol for the way this place operates? Yes, in a way it is. Nothing is left to accident, everything proceeds according to plans. Which is a pretty good thing in a place that has so many customers.

If you have read about McDonalds in Phuket Town in part one, you pretty much know about the burgers in Patong, too. McDonalds strives for uniformity, remember? Prices seem to be a bit higher in Patong then in Phuket town. No wonder, it's tourist haven. Lots of Farangs, Japanese, Taiwan, Korean... and their Thai girls, of course. Patong's McDonald is a truly multicultural place, a Babylon of languages. That's not really a blessing though. Unless you enjoy standing in line - and doing so together with loud Italians clad in nothing but gold rings and bathing trunks and backpackers with rucksacks the size of Sweden.

macpatong1.jpg (12094 bytes)Another thing that takes getting used to - or maybe the opposite - is the music. A lot of the time it is Thai pop music ballads. The kind where all words end with the diphthong "ai" and the singer never seems to have energy enough to hit the notes in tune, but always lingers a quarternote under.

The outside area gives you a real holiday feeling what with tourists walking by in droves, the taxis and the beach just on the other side of the road.

Big Mac Meal 106 Baht.

Rating: 7 Points

 

KFC
Patong Shopping Center (Lai Mai Restaurant) Beach Road

colonel.jpg (6902 bytes)The Mai Lai KFC was the first Fried Chicken to appear in Patong Beach. Situated in the ground floor of the Shopping Center, it offers lots of space, a big childrens' section and the usual TV's showing MTV kind of stuff and cartoons.

It's a nice place with furniture in bright and pastel colors, usually very quiet. The staff is polite, but somehow I cannot help but thinking that these must be the stupidest of the lot as I often get served the wrong items or are made to pay a higher prize. Anyway, a fillet burger (my favorite) has good meat & medium seize french fries for 73 baht. That is a bargain. A big plus goes to the bread. Warm and even a bit crispy. Wow!

The usual KFC coleslaw and salads, well... I leave that untouched. The same goes for the dried out chicken things with the Colonel's eleven secret herbal spices

kfclmai1.jpg (11139 bytes)One fine day as I was eating here, KFC had run out of cheese. Hm. I decided to give the Colonel one more try. But the following week Kentucky was not only out of cheese, but of filet burgers as well. Better luck third time? No. After three weeks, still no cheese. This of course gives the Colonel a big fat MINUS in the overall rating. On the other hand, one must not judge too harshly. In Thailand keeping supplies up can be rather difficult. (But I know for a fact there is cheese to be bought at the supermarket only few meters away.)

kfclmai4.jpg (7789 bytes)Ketchup comes in two bottles at each table. Nice, you don't have to stand up and refill

As KFC is sitting at the beachroad of Patong, most of the customers are tourists, of course. But the ambience is very different from McDonalds. Everybody is quietly sitting down, enjoying the air-con. No naked beerbellies, no "huachai" music.

Of course the cola is dreadful, sugary Pepsi. But you can always choose mineral water or maybe rather a cup of tea.

Rating: 7 points

 

KFC
Ocean Shopping Center, Soi Bangla Rd.

kfcbanfla2.jpg (12409 bytes)

 

This KFC is tucked away in a rather small corner at ground level in the Ocean Shopping Center. For some reason it seems to be the place for American Negroes (or African American or whatever they call themselves these days). So besides the chicken burgers and the ever smiling Thai service, the show consists of Black boys wooing Thai ladies.

 

 

 

kfcbangla1.jpg (11314 bytes)The fillet burger, the French Fries and the ketchups are pretty much KFC standard. The bread is better than McDonalds, but yet not as crisp as at the Beachroad's KFC.

Filet Burger 45 Baht.

Rating: 7 points.

 

 

 

PHUKET ISLAND BURGER RATINGS TEST RESULTS

Point ratings, given on a scale from 1 to 10:

Burger King, Phuket Town: 10
KFC Phuket Town:                   
9
McDonald Phuket Town:       
8
McDonald Patong Beach:      
7
KFC Lai Mai Beachroad Patong Beach:
7
KFC Ocean Shopping, Soi Bangla, Patong Beach:
7