The Wai

The Wai is not just a way of saying hello without using words, it is an action of respect. It is the most important of the many social actions that makes Thai social structure what it is. The basic rule is simple and clear: in any social encounter the social inferior should assume an inferior position and the superior should assume a position of superiority.

How the Wai is performed

There are different levels of respect shown in a Wai. The lower the head comes down to meet the thumbs of both hands while the palms are pressed together and the fingers are pointing upwards, the more respect is shown. There are four main positions (and many times combinations...)

1. Hands close to  the body, fingertips reaching to about neck level but not above the chin. This position is used by equals or between strangers who aren't sure what their social differences are.

2. Hands as in 1, or lower. Head straight or slightly inclined. Used by a superior returning the wai to an inferior.

3. Head lowered so that the fingertips reach above the tip of the nose. Used by an inferior to show respect for a superior.

4. Forehead lowered to the base of the thumbs and lowering of the body.

In Daily Life

The wai is used for objects as well as for people. If you travel by bus in Thailand you will notice that Thai passengers will wai sacred places as you pass by. And don't be surprised if your taxi driver suddenly lets go of the steering wheel to perform a wai and thereby show his respect for a sacred place or object.

Buddha and Monks

If you want to wai the Buddha (or a monk, the Buddha's representative), you should: (1)drop to your knees, (2)wai while sitting in the appropriate position (men sitting on their heels, women sitting with their legs to the side), (3)while maintaining the wai, bend head and body down while keeping the backside low, (4)when your forehead almost touches the floor and the top of your head is facing the object of respect, place your palms on the floor starting with the right one, (5)straighten your body back to the sitting wai position. If the object of respect is a Buddha image you should repeat the whole process three times.

Origins

The position of the wai shows that you don't hold any weapons and that you come in peace. The Western handshake is believed to have the very same origin since it has evolved from the touching of the empty sword hands. But the wai is far more than the handshake is. Handshakes are between equals, a wai is performed to admit inferiority. The inferior always initiates the wai. Historically, the weaker man would be the first to show that his hands contain no weapons. The lowered eyes and head also takes away the ability to defend oneself. The superior may or may no return the wai. If you wai a monk or someone from the royal family they will certainly not return it.

Returning a Wai

If the social difference between two people is very big, the wai will not be returned. For instance if a child wais an elder, a waitress wais after receiving a tip or a junior employee wais for his boss, the wai will nor be returned. Instead the answer might be a smile or a nod.

When to Wai

When and how to wai comes very natural for Thais since it's learned from very early childhood. For the visitor however, it can be a big problem to get the correct wai at the correct time. Sometimes you find yourself not being waied by obvious juniors and this can be due to the fact that Thais know that farangs (westerners) don't use the wai. The use of wai to say thank you is widespread among Thais. Generosity usually comes from the superior and the wai from the inferior. Between equals, the wai can be used to say thank you but from a superior to an inferior it's out of place even if a significant service has been performed. The best advice to newcomers might be to stick to handshakes with men and a polite smile with women.

Some Useful Hints

1. Do not wai servants, workers, children or other people of an obvious lower social status than yours. Ignoring this rule in some misguided attempt to create equality and to make friends will only result in embarrassment for the inferior. You will also make a complete fool of yourself.

2. If you receive a wai, reply with an equal or more casual wai.

3. The safest people to wai are monks and the very old (unless they are street vendors or servants!).

4. Remember to lower your head instead of raising your hands. Holding your hands above your head while standing does not show respect.

5. Remember that a wai is not the same as "hello". Overuse will devalue it's meaning.

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