On the Prowl (Part 3)
Amongst the Crocs
© Travelers' Net
Text and pictures by Joe Josef

I cut through the back lawn to Soi Crocodile, arriving at the lavatory. I just love this narrow archway that leads to the bar-alley. Two people have to turn sidewise in order to pass. Which is nice, if the one person is me and the other a shapely Thai Girl.

Anyway the Crocodile Disco is Gone and what's here now are any amount of equally bellicose katoeus just waiting for a lonely Fox to come along so they can sink their shiny teeth into his wallet. A Ah - earlobe, I mean interspersed between the Katoye A Go Go (Andaman Queen Caberat) on one end and the Tequila Bar on the other end are a few dozen bars with "real" girls. The sport being, of course, that a non-specialist will have a hard time figuring out whether he is talking to a "lady", a "man" or a "ladyman".

Some of the bars feature huge wooden chopping blocks and a hammer. I spotted a group of Korean tourists trying to hit heads with the sharp end of the hammer. I admit it helps when you are drunk. Not that you hit the nails better. But it is more fun, because the hammer slips and crashes the singha beer bottles.

I bulldozed through the crowd at the Tequila Bar (adequately named so because you get served everything but Tequila - I guess you are getting the pattern) pushed an old, legless man from his barstool and joined the spectators for a while.

I say this little platform in the middle of TB must be the best entertainment value for your money in Patong. Incredible, what has happened on that tiny stamp of a "stage" in my days. I have seen three stark naked "girls" arranging amazing bodyparts and limbs in wondrous ways.

The irony of the big, tall "ladies" with their unbelievable curves up on the platform versus the small, skinny bartenders with their cigarettes behind the ears never escapes me. If it were my bar, I would rename it "Small Bartenders and Big Katoeus Bar". Which is a bad name for a bar, really, which goes to show that I'm probably better off to stick with the writing business, not the bar business.

As all the bass speakers except one are busted, the music in the Tequila is so loud and tinny it makes your ears ring the rest of your holiday. Which is good, because now you can turn a deaf ear on every katoeu that wants you to take her photo and shove a hundred Baht note down her circular silicones.

As the alcohol went in, my desires grew. Already not only the katoeus started looking good, but every piece of buttock in tight shorts that drifted by under my nose. So I figured it was time to retreat to a secure place…

Goto Part 4 >>>

  [ Topliste ]