Fly me to the moon
(Part 1)

"Does your country have a moon, too? Jui asked.
-Yes, I said, every country in the world has a moon!"

© Travelers' Net
Text by Joe Josef

Plastic Burger Go Go?

Once in a while a man has to blow sawdust from his brain. I personally find there is no better way to do that then to rent a heavy chopper - preferably a Harley or a Suzuki - and just let go.
On this particular night I was riding a 1500 Suzi. I had been out seeing the sights of the island most of the day wherever the bike would take me - and it occurred to me that a late ride around Patong would be a worthy final of a wonderful day. So I maneuvered the ponderous bike through Soi Seadragon trying not to hit anybody. I enjoyed the cheers and the hellohs of the girls and parked the thing in the back, at the Rasta Bar. You know, where the farang ladies hang out.
Attila's old place is gone. No more Seadragon burgers. Attila is doing what he always wanted to do: mend motorbikes. Instead it's a new A Go Go. I wonder if this one is going to be just as all the others, or if they'll dream up a new theme. The Classroom theme is taken as well as the Country theme. Maybe they should make it a Burger a Go Go? Supply the girls with plastic burgers around the waist and the bust. Remember Josefine Baker? She was the original Banana Girl, with plastic bananas around her hips. Yes! We have no bu-burgers!
Now the thing about Soi Seadragon is - not every bar stocks Jack Daniels. But okay, I'm not a fanatic, don't believe what James Cook says about me. He by the way is into burgers, these days, would you believe it? Seems like there is no way around the young generations soulfood no. one.
I wasn't going to stay long, so I had a Carlsberg beer at Naughty Bar. By chance Somchai himself graced the bar that night, so all of a sudden it was Johnny Walker and Cocktails and what do I know. No way he was going to let me go without spending a few drinks.
Somchai is one of these truly Thai persons, in the sense of being helpful and giving. He was the first Thai friend I ever made on Phuket. He took me to an oracle priest at Wat Chalong. I didn't understand anything at all, Somchai had to translate everything afterwards. And it was all wonderful stuff: I was going to stay on Phuket, make fortunes, meet a wonderful girls and so on and so forth. Maybe Somchai made all of this up. But it didn't matter. His intentions were more than good.

It was too late

-Have you come to my bar to look for female company? he asked.
-Now I have you, why would I need female company, I replied.
Somchai laughed and pointed at one of his girls.
-This one has just come in from Isaan, he said, -she would make a very good wife for you!
-Thank you Somchai, I said, but let it be. The last time I tried to make somebody my wife, I ended up with alimony bills and a broken heart. It's going to be a while before I will get around to that again.
-Nono, Somchai said seriously, you just have to find the right one!
He lifted one hand and shouted:
-Eh, Jui! Mah nee, leoleo! There's a farang here to see you!
-Oh please, don't! I exclaimed. But it was too late. The one that would make a very good wife for me had already taken the message and was coming over to introduce herself. She took my hand and asked me politely, what me name was? Where I came from? How long I had stayed in Thailand? How old I was? Oh, but I looked so young!
Then, out of words and wisdom, she stood and looked at the floor, hoping I would say or do something. Which I did.
-Would you like to drink something? I asked. Her eyes came back and she smiled at me.
-Bia singh, she said softly.
I ordered the desired brew and leaned back a little. Jui looked at me longingly and when I smiled back, she took it as an invitation to snuggle up and put an arm around me. She fit so nicely into my embrace, it was like hand in glove. I heard her sigh.
-What is it? I asked. She shook her head.
-So now you're sabai?
-Yes, I heard her say, -sabai mark mark, leu.
And she planted a kiss on my neck.

Every country has one

So I took her out for a nightly stroll. It had been a while since I had walked the streets of Patong hand in hand with an Isaan girl. We looked at the boutiques and street front vendors. I bought Jui a T-shirt that read "I used to be a Quantum Mechanic". Of course we had to stop and eat something. After all, this is Thailand. Jui had one of those hard, leathery dinosaur-skins they call blah meuk (squid). I guess they don't have these in Isaan.
I took her down to the beach. Away from the sounds and sights of bustling Soi Bangla the waves rolled in with a soothing heartbeat frequency. We found a bench and sat there for a while, listening to the ocean and the palm trees. It was a full-moon night. I don't know, have you ever noticed that on Phuket, you have a full moon every week or so? Every time I look up, there it is - big and round and shiny!
-Does your country have a moon, too? Jui asked.
-Yes, I said, every country in the world has a moon!
-Every country? Jui seemed surprised. Wow, how many countries are there?
-Oh, I don't know, I answered, a couple of hundreds, maybe?
-Are you joking me? Jui looked me straight in the eye.
-I know Thailand and Farang, Burma and Laos. And Yippun (Japan).
-No! I said I am not sure exactly how many countries there are, but there are certainly more than that. In Europe alone we have close to twenty.
-And all of them have a moon?
-Yes, I said, but it is the same moon everywhere, you see!
Now Jui was certain that I was bullshitting. No way for one moon to shine in all these places at the same time! I insisted for a while, saying that the earth was round and that the moon was more or less shining on half of its nightly surface all the time. But Jui was having none of it. Finally - as not to make her mad - I gave in and conceded that the earth had many moons. Roughly one for each country. Most countries had a moon for themselves, but the poorer ones had to share. The next question was, obviously, which countries had more than one moon?
I drew foolish little Jui close and gave her a kiss.
-Do you want to go to the moon with me? I asked.
-Wow! she exclaimed I never knew one can go there? Can we go today? Are there people up there? How do we get there, with a long-tail? With an airplane?
-No, I said, we'll take a Suzi.

...to be continued