"Joe Josef is Harry Fox".
Follow his adventures in Phuket's Night-Life.

On the Prowl (Part 1)
© Travelers' Net
Text and pictures by Joe Josef

As I stepped out of the tuktuk on Pra Baramee Road only 200 m from the Sandy Beach of Patong I noticed that the name on the sign was written in Thai only. Paraphrased to English it could be something like "The place, where your body and soul can relish". Now if that doesn't sound like the perfect beginning of a perfect night! -Hallo, come inside!

I barely perceived the handsome man smiling at me, but I couldn't help but notice the flashing teeth and the golden skin of the girl. Proceeding inside, she led me to a table and asked me what I would like to imbibe. In perfect Thai, that is.

What a relief that the Thai words for "whisky" and "beer" are "wisskee" and "biah". It makes cross-cultural communication so easy. I ordered my favorite - Jack Daniels.

Maybe you would think that a Coffee Shop is a place to savor a good strong hot cup of coffee while you and your partner discuss the latest political and cultural topics. Well, nothing could be further from the truth. A real Thai style Coffee Shop serves everything but coffee (hence the name). Thai whisky is the game, Singha beer, spicy food and snacks. And then there is the action…

Imagine fair maidens clad in sparkling costumes that resemble a mix between Pamela Anderson dressed to kill and Tina Turner at a Grammy Award party! Long legs and high-heeled boots are as important as the cordless microphone. Yes, microphone.

As Coffee Shops go, the place was rather humble. But the beauty of the performers on the little stage made me forget the bare walls and the plastic chairs right away. One charming songstress after the other climbed the platform to perform a short routine. You didn't have to understand Thai to know that this was all about the joy and pain of love.

Some people say that the singing abilities of some of the coffee shop girls resemble the artistic performances of a frog barking up a tree. I think that puts it rather rude. And anyway - who cares about technicalities, when the sheer sight of the entertainers makes your knees quiver! They have this enchanting mix of country girl naiveté paired with the sassiness of an alley cat. No siren could possibly be more alluring!

At the table next to mine a slender lady had seated herself. Meditatingly she took small sips from her bottle of coke. She noticed my appraising glance and smile. I suddenly realize that I needed a drink and gulped down two fingers worth of whisky.

There must be a God in heaven, I thought. How can such beauty not be the brainchild of a Superior Creator!  Gracefully, the girl rose from her chair, tucked at the mini and came to my table. Did I feel allright? Why would I sit here so alone?

The girl's name was Dao, which means "star". And a star she was. Born 18 years ago in distant Isaan. Awed in the presence of beauty, I offered her a drink. Dao softly said that she only drank coke or plain water. Obviously she must be new and hadn't yet got into the knack of things.

Sorry, I have to go, she said ten minutes later. Strode onto the scene and brought a microphone up to her long-legged lips. Time ground to a halt. Dreams of tropical paradise with bamboo huts and coconut palms on pearly islands in emerald waters emerged in my mind. Don't ask me what they had to do with a singer in a Coffee shop. I don't know.

Like all the other performers, Dao only sang one song at a time. Then she stepped down and headed right for my table. She thanked me for the flowers and bowed her head in an elegant wai.

"You are so beautiful" I heard myself say. "Kapkhun kah" whispered Dao and actually blushed a little. I suddenly understood that Divine Power had intervened and I was on my way to spend the rest of my life eternally in love with starry Dao.

Well, I didn't want this to happen. I knew that I had only three more minutes to get out of blossomly Dao's siren powers. So I hurriedly paid my bills, gave her a tip and got ready to go. It was not easy to leave charming Dao, who waved me good-bye with a ravishing smile.

Please come again, were her last words. I felt certain that I would. I felt like marrying her and have ten thousand babies in a bamboo hut with falling coconuts on the beach of a pearly coral island.

Still foolish after all those years in Thailand. Suddenly I remembered how it was to be a tourist in this place. Small wonder that thousands of farangs wanted to capture their enchanted hours in amazing Thailand - at any price…

Go to Part 2 >>>